Sindh’s Information Minister was so impressed by the recent mobile phones’ dual SIM mode that she decided to expose her true self completely in front of the camera. She has vowed to complete against Veena Malik, after all, negative publicity is still publicity since this is also her reality, hence, no negativity in her personality [...]

Half Naked PPP Reality – Shazia Marri in Dual Mode is a post from: PakMediaBlog All Rights Reserved.

Terminating Maya Khan is not the solution. In fact, it only problematizes the issue of media bullying by making an individual sound solely responsible for something perpetrated by the channel itself.

By Farwa Zahra:

A few weeks ago, there was a whole FHM controversy surrounding Veena Malik posing nude (read topless) for an Indian magazine. Despite the fact that it was her “personal” matter, there were arguments about morality, nationality, honour and the list goes on. Then came Maya Khan and Malik was nowhere. Television channels and newspapers started off with another round of morality debate but this time on the grounds of Khan invading people’s “private” lives by raiding public parks for couple on dates.

Both the stories revolved around morality and privacy. However, the way these issues were addressed was very different. Since Malik’s privacy had nothing to do with us, we embraced the opportunity to get judgmental, obsessively jeering at her. Ironically, many of these “self-righteous” people later came up bashing Maya Khan for intruding on people’s private lives. As if, by commenting on Veena Malik they were not invading her privacy.

As the issue of dating was more relatable for the genral audience, the reaction was proportionately humongous through videos, blogs and comics, which led to Khan’s open apology. However, the protests continued and Samma TV stepped up making a “heroic” announcement of Khan and her team members’ termination. And this seemed like a happy ending for many who commented how she deserved it.

I’m not siding with Khan as what she did was unethical. She played a role in media bullying and I’m glad people noticed it. But in all this rage and fury, what we missed was Samaa TV’s hypocrisy. Khan had been doing the show for a long time now. This wasn’t the first objectionable action on her part. The channel had even aired her slapping a guy on live show in past. It is incredible how conveniently Samaa TV now shifted the blame on Khan as if the channel had no role to play. Justifying the action, the “responsible corporate citizen” said Khan had not provided an unconditional apology. I’m only wondering how then the channel obtained the video of her apology, still doing rounds on YouTube and Facebook. And how would the channel justify terminating the whole team?

Kicking off Maya Khan is not the solution. In fact, it only problematizes the issue of media bullying by making an individual sound solely responsible for something perpetrated by the channel itself.

Newsline looks back at the biggest events of 2011 and gives them a satirical spin.

Veena Malik has just made her Bollywood debut. In a sizzling item
number. The 27-year-old Pakistani actor, who shot to fame with reality
TV show Bigg Boss, will be seen in the song Main To Teri Fan Ho Gayi, in
Riteish Deshmukh- Genelia D’Souza starrer Tere Naal Love Ho Gaya.

 “Honestly, I had

a few offers for item numbers. But I wanted to pick the best
one. This song is extremely spicy, so it goes perfectly with my
personality … at least I feel that way. When Kumarji (producer Kumar
Taurani) made me hear the song, I said yes instantly. I hope it’s the
right decision,” says Malik.

READ MORE

Humsafar, I don’t need to introduce it do I?
Well, its an urdu TV drama based on a novel with excellent acting, great direction and a really beautiful title song. I mean, everything is simply flawless. I had missed a few episodes in the beginning, but in a short time, its like it was emerging from everywhere as people started sharing videos, gossiping, tweeting, discussing and stuff. I finally gave it a try too and since then I’ve been hooked.

It’s a passionate love-story about a simple, poor girl from a small town getting married to her Yale graduated cousin who’s filthy rich. I must say that the stories of such urdu dramas are truly reflective of the society. They choose stronge plots, extra ordinary casts, natural acting skills and always focus on human emotions & social issues. Although, the story line of Humsafar is kind of old fashioned but the drama has gained a lot of fame because of how the actors have performed their roles. FAWAD! MAHIRA! OMG!
I see people on social networks (i.e facebook, twitter etc) having issues with this clean entertainment, I guess they were expecting Veena Malik as Khirad, no?
How can you not love it? Humsafar is far better than the never ending starplus dramas or the story of Barney Stinson’s illegitimate child (no offence to HIMYM fans, since I am one too). The other day, I heard my 60-ish year old Biology teacher gossiping about Humsafar, so you see the hype, people of all ages are totally obsessed with it.
Tomorrow’s a Saturday and you know what I am doing. Gonna be loving Asher, admiring Khirad and cursing Sara.


Funniest shit! Humsafar fans, must see! Zoom and view!



It’s ironic that while bikini-clad wrestlers face-off in what Ijaz, as match commentator, pitches as the match of the century, the bigger denouement to a thrilling clash of wits may be just round the corner.

Spats, brawls, scuffles, tiffs and quibbles: call them what you want but 2011 was full of confrontations and Newsline recaps the biggest face-offs of 2011.

By Ghazala Akbar:

Sonia Gandhi once imperiously remarked that the Indians need not bother going to war with Pakistan anymore, the invasion of Indian TV was enough. She had a point. For a while, the murderous machinations and dynastic power- struggles of Indian soaps had people hooked.  Not anymore. Indian soaps are passé. The gripping political drama unfolding daily on our TV screens is a serious challenge not just to Bollywood but Hollywood too. Over the past year, every genre has been represented: tragedy, high comedy, farce, buffoonery, drama, action, war, murder, spy thrillers, musical extravaganzas and a bit of soft porn too.

Such is the quality of live political theatre that I cannot remember the last time I watched a film on television. Who needs expensive blockbusters from across the border to feed our fantasies? Why would anyone go channel surfacing — when our rulers, allies, security forces, politicians, cricketers and celebrities provide non – stop 24/7 entertainment? Who needs a burger when we can all have steak at home!

2011 began tragically with murder most foul — the death of the Punjab Governor, Salmaan Taseer, heroically championing the cause of a poor Christian woman, sentenced for blasphemy. If that wasn’t maudlin enough, what followed was a worse tear- jerker. Clerics — usually in surplus in Pakistan suddenly became scarce – too scared to lead the funeral prayers for the slain Governor.

The final dénouement in the sorry tale was the odious spectacle of the self- confessed smiling assassin showered with rose petals by Lawyers — the very same that had marched up and down Constitution Avenue in support of the Rule of Law. Thankfully, a judge had the courage of his convictions to sentence the killer. The long-awaited decision of the Appeal Court is another story.

February brought us an international spy thriller complete with a car chase, shootings and carnage in the streets of Lahore. Footage of the arrest and interrogation of Raymond Davis by the ‘Keystone Cops’ of the Punjab Police went viral. Intriguingly, a miniature camera located between the suspect’s feet activated the filming. A support car coming to his ‘rescue’ also ran over a couple of bystanders adding to the body count. And just who was this trigger – happy, gun – toting suspect? A ‘diplomat’ allegedly fleeing armed motor- cycled muggers at a busy intersection in Lahore who just had to shoot in self- defence. Naturally.

No less a personage than the US President vouched for his credentials. And since we are a hospitable, law- abiding people who honour diplomatic immunity, we bent over backwards to find ways to absolve him of guilt. Shariah law ironically came to the rescue. A clause was invoked and Davis ‘forgiven’ after the payment of blood money to the victims’ families– but– not before another sad twist : the young wife of one of the ‘alleged robbers’ overcome with grief, ended her own life. End of story.

The ides of March claimed yet another fatality. Poor Shahbaz Bhatti, the outspoken Minister for Minority Affairs was gunned down for having the temerity to remind the Majority about the rights of Minorities! The brave man should have read George Orwell and learnt not to speak out of turn. In the State of Pakistan, all men are created equal but some are more equal!

Riveting as these episodes were, they were a mere trailer for May Day’s mega blockbuster: the Death of Osama Bin Laden. Without our censor’s knowledge, this film played to packed houses globally. Audacious US Navy seals  swooping down in helicopters, shooting their way to bag and bin the world’s most wanted terrorist in his ‘luxury pad’, was an instant hit worldwide.

Our US allies in the War on Terror, didn’t think it worth their while to give us a role to play. Not even as an extra. While champagne corks popped at the White House in an orgy of self- congratulation, we had to eat humble pie and suffer the additional agony of our picturesque garrison town continually mispronounced as A – BBOT- A- BAD! Surely, the BBC ought to have known better!

As if things were not bad enough when another scary episode sent us cringing for cover. Masked terrorists disguised in ‘Star Wars’ attire sneaked into a naval airbase in the heart of Karachi. Only the bravery of our security forces foiled their evil intent after a tense gun – battle lasting several hours. Reassuringly all through the crisis, the Minister of the Interior provided a running commentary soothing shattered nerves.

Soon after, another jolt shook our equanimity: the mysterious murder of a journalist, Salim Shahzad. Nudged gently but firmly not to poke his nose in sensitive matters relating to state or non – state actors, he did not take the hint. Neither did the unfortunate Wali Babar in Karachi. After too many questions about ‘target killings’ the TV Reporter became a target himself –confirming our prime position as a dangerous place for journalists.

In July, the citizens of Karachi decided to steal the show with a gory episode of their own: the killing fields of Karachi. More mayhem, more body bags and even more confused incoherence from the Interior Ministry were the main themes of this sordid drama. Not to be outdone, trigger- happy Rangers started their own sideshow. A petty thief, pleading for mercy was shot at point blank range, in full view of the camera in a public park.

Meanwhile in the badlands of Baluchistan, some unlucky Chechen men and women were mistakenly ‘taken out’ as terrorists by the Constabulary. In other areas, members of the minority Hazaras and ‘dissidents’ were being systematically decimated. Exactly who was killing who and why is of little consequence in this perplexing plot. In Khyber- Pakhtoonwa, the Taliban regularly reminded us of their explosive presence. Drones continued to strike ‘terror’ in South Waziristan adding to a continuous supply of new recruits to their cause.

The festival of Eid released Pandora’s Box, a brilliant, virtuoso, unrestrained performance by the former Home Minister of Sindh. His remarkable presentation received extremely high TV ratings – the dramatic use of the Holy Book as prop was an unforgettable highlight of the two- hour soliloquy. Several weeks later, a London production house came out with a four – hour epic. A vintage rendition of a golden oldie rang the curtain down on this superlative show that ran to packed houses nationwide.

Not shy of being in the spotlight, the perpetual drama queens, our star cricketers entered the limelight with a courtroom drama of their own.  Sadly, their coached appearances at Southwark Crown Court, UK were as unconvincing as their play-acting during the Oval Test in England last year. The show flopped miserably with Messrs. Butt, Asif and Amir reduced from fallen heroes to zeroes.

Come September, Admirable Mike Mullen took us all by surprise with his own version of ‘Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy.’ Mullen’s muddled story – line brazenly accused our security services of sponsoring a network of non – state actors and re-writing a counter script for the end – game in Afghanistan. It backfired. In a remarkable show of unity, the civilian government, raucous TV Anchors, politicians, ghairat brigades and the public booed and hissed in unison. Flying in to soothe ruffled feathers, Mrs. Clinton was publicly but politely accused of acting like a nit-picking Mother-in-law.

Mullen’s story however would not go away. It sprung back with a vicious new twist at the end of October. A rejuvenated and revamped Khan tweaked the tail of the Lions in Lahore with a spectacular televised musical extravaganza. Not only did fans dance in the aisles, his revelations rocked the boat, setting the scene for yet another blockbuster: Memo gate. A 007 wannabe got star- billing in this US- Pakistan joint production. Our Ambassador to the US has a dubious supporting role.

As we grappled with at the turns and twists of this complex saga, a brief exposition of Ms Veena Malik provided us with a moment of light relief. Then all hell broke loose. NATO helicopter in an incident of ‘friendly fire’ picked off our soldiers at the Afghan border, martyring 28 and wounding countless others. With friends like these, who needs enemies!

All this flak was too much for the beleaguered President who suddenly took to his bed. His unidentified ailment and dash to Dubai fuelled yet another mystery: the curious case of the missing President. Was his illness genuine, a reaction to the strain of the on-going Memo gate saga or something entirely unrelated? Who knows! Anyhow, it was short and sweet with a happy ending when the President returned to Islamabad with his customary grin. Who will have the last laugh is a moot question.

Finally, as the holiday season approached we settled in front of the box in anticipation of yet another extravaganza. (The Information Minister’s impromptu crying act on the morning of the holiday was a dampener but did not deter us from making merry). Billed as the greatest show on earth, the Tehreek- i- Insaaf spectacle promised to be like no other. For weeks, we had watched in bemused incredulity as self- proclaimed rebels and all the King’s men of yesteryears, shaved, showered and applied fresh make-up in preparation for supporting roles to the Rising Star, the man of the moment, Imran Khan.

Could he walk where angels fear to tread? Would the cast of thousands rally to his call? On the founder’s birthday, in the city of lights, by the dramatic setting of the Quaid’s Mazar, the Hero finally took centre stage. Amidst a glow and a roar, He came. They saw. He conquered.  Move over Shahrukh, Saif, Salman and Amir. We have the real thing, our very own King Khan.

Come December 27, we remembered Shaheed Mohartama Benazir and other fallen comrades. The cameras panned towards the dusty plains of Ghari Khuda Bukhsh and the graveyard of the martyrs in the towering tomb of the Bhuttos. There was pathos, passion, poetry and the evolving script of a new work- in – progress: the son also rises.

And so we come to The End. As we usher in the New Year, book your seats early for the next episode of Pakistan: 2012. It is still a working title and your guess is as good as mine. Will it be Great Expectations, Gone with the Wind or the Night of the Generals? Whatever we choose to call it, you can be sure it will be a sensational international box- office hit!  As Larry King used to say on CNN, Don’t go away!

Be it Veena Malik, Shoaib Malik, or Rehman Malik, there is one thing I have realized; it’s not easy being a Malik in Pakistan.

The Maliks of Pakistan are forever surrounded by controversies. Despite stiff competition amongst politicians and artists who struggled to top the “hall of shame, 2011,” guess who has managed to secure the first position once again? Our very own, very dear, very entertaining, Dr Abdul Rehman Malik. To acknowledge his outstanding performance, he has even been awarded a PhD degree by the Syndicate of Karachi University in recognition of his “matchless services to the country.”

Some of his golden words uttered during the year 2011, that range from outlandish to hilarious, are listed as follows:

1) Statement: “If someone insulted Prophet Muhammad (pbuh), I, too, would shoot him”.

Event: On the assassination of Salmaan Taseer. The government responds in a way the authorities are supposed to: by promising the laws would stand, but Rehman  Malik comes up with this bizarre statement instead.

Look my dear friend, who knows one fine day some Qadri pops out of my convoy and kill me for XYZ reason under the garb of blasphemy law, would any media man come to rescue me?

2) Statement: “I am thankful to the Taliban who did not carry out any attack on Shia Muslims and showed respect to their rituals.”

Event: During the event of Ashura, Rehman Malik passed another shocking statement to the media. He actually thanked the Taliban for not attacking Shia processions! And no, he did not stop there. Rehman went on to say that he had appealed to the Taliban, asking them to spare the processions of Shia Muslims, and that he was grateful that they  responded positively to his appeal.

My friend, we must not pass sweeping statements on Taleban, like us they are human too. Shouldn’t we thank them for sparing us for at least one day, isn’t it a good deed?

3) Statement: ”The Tablighi missionary centre in Raiwaind is the breeding ground for extremism and terrorism in Pakistan as the centre has a major role in brainwashing the extremists.”

Event: Rehman Malik made this statement to the audience at the security think-tank International Institute of Strategic Studies (IISS) while speaking on the topic of ”Countering Extremism in South Asia’.

You need to watch movie “Khuda Kay Liye” and listen to Naseeruddin Shah closely, he says “Islam main Darhi hai, Darhi main Islam nahin”, now try to figure out what I mean.

4) Statement: ”If Google and Youtube do not help the Pakistan government, then Pakistan reserves the right to block these services to prevent terrorists from using it”.

Event: The Interior Minister when talking to the media at the FIA headquarters, urged the internet service providers to extend their help to the government for exterminating the menace of terrorism from the country.

I have warned Government of Googlistan and Republic of Youtube to cooperate with Pakistan at their best and they have agreed to keep a strict eye on terrorists using their web space to disrupt Pakistani soil. We will not spare them.

5) Statement: ”I had given a warning yesterday that there should be no match-fixing. This time I am watching it very closely. If any such thing happens we will take action”.

Event: Before the World Cup semi-final against India, Pakistani cricketers were warned beforehand not to indulge in any match-fixing by the Interior Minister Rehman Malik who said he was keeping a “close watch” on their activities.

My every statement has a philosophy behind it; we kept a close eye to watch players and didn’t let them match fix. They win, lose or even play under pressure due to my policing is not my headache. I want results.

6) Statement: “PML-N had embraced Osama bin Laden and was responsible for bringing Osama bin Laden from Egypt to Pakistan for his treatment”.

Event: Speaking at the National Assembly, Malik denied opposition leader Chaudhry Nisar’s claim that the government was sleeping while the US operation was carried out. He lashed out at PML-N for bringing Bin Laden to Pakistan.

All of you talk about 100 suitcases Nawaz Shareef brought to Saudi Arabia but forgets what he brought from there; Osama Bin Laden was packed in one of those suitcases, I will tell you the whole story at the “right time”.

7) Statement: ”Extortionists should quit extorting and leave the city”.

Event: Talking to the media after addressing a ceremony held at the Karachi Chamber of Commerce, Interior Minister Rehman Malik warned the extortionists and target killers to quit and leave Karachi else stern action will be taken against them. I bet they were scared.

Stupid warnings always work in my case; good extortionists would listen to me and leave the city, while “bad apples” will be left with no option but to disappear as well.

Statement: ”When it is reported that 100 people were killed due to target killing, investigations reveal that only 30 were its victims while 70 others died at the hands of their wives or girlfriends.”

Event: During the press conference in Quetta, when target killings were on an all time high in Karachi, the Interior Minister said that the reported figure of deaths due to target killing were not accurate because half the men were killed by the women in their lives. Now that’s some imagination Mr Malik has there. Too many action-thriller films I would say.

Along with Interior ministry I am given a task to handle “internal affair ministry” as well.

9) Statement: “They were wearing black clothes like in Star Wars movies, (one) with (a) suicide vest. They had small beards and two of them were between 20-22 years old while the third who blew himself up was about 25.”

Event: This classic comment erupted from Malik’s mouth when he was talking to the media after the PNS Mehran attack. Our dear Interior Minister came up with another bizarre analogy and compared terrorists’ outfits to Star Wars characters. Told you he was into action flicks and stuff.

One of your private Tv channels portrays me as Chulbul Malik but I proved them I am a Starwars Freak.

10) Statement: “All ground intelligence shows that Ilyas Kashmiri is dead. What I can say is that there is a 98 % chance he is dead”.

Event:  Interior Minister Rehman Malik told the media that although he had no physical proof, he was ’98 % sure’ that senior al Qaeda operative Ilyas Kashmiri was killed in a US drone strike in South Waziristan. Let’s add clairvoyance to his list of countless other outstanding traits, shall we?

You won’t ever see me boasting about percentages or issuing loose statements.Can’t do much about this, I am a Maths Man too.

A top ten make-believe resolutions list of Pakistani politicians and celebrities.

To: CIO/PC WORLD
Dear Sir/Madam:

The heightened rhetoric between Pakistan and the United States has reached a fever pitch after the recent incident which killed twenty-four Pakistani soldiers on the Pak-Afghan border. The relationship already beset by accusations, recriminations and threats since the bin Laden killing seems to have gone into a tailspin in the last few weeks.

An uneasy alliance as always

Pakistan considers the unfortunate border incident as a deliberate act, a part of a ‘plot,’ and very nearly as an act of war. Echoing strong public feeling, the Pakistani civilian leadership probably egged on by the all-powerful military is increasingly combative in its public pronouncements and actions vis-à-vis the United States. Prime Minister Gilani warned the US and its NATO allies that any future cross-border attack would meet with a “detrimental response”, whatever that means.

Pakistanis generally tend to view the US as an untrustworthy superpower up to its neck in the Afghanistan quagmire and on the verge of defeat at the hands of a ragtag band of holy warriors. Pakistanis are convinced that despite having to rely on on their country to pull its chestnuts out of the Afghan fire, the US blinded by imperial arrogance continues to dump on Pakistan.

On the other hand, many US policy makers consider Pakistan a failing nuclear armed state with dubious democratic credentials which is infested with extremists and terrorists. Pakistan’s anti-terrorism policies are characterized as ‘Janus-faced’, delivering on some goals in fits and starts as local security forces choose the terrorists they fight and those they coddle. The Washington based Council on Foreign Relations, an influential think-tank, has ranked a conflict with Pakistan among the top potential threats facing the United States in 2012.

The Pak-US alliance is akin to a shotgun marriage brought about by the “war on terror”, otherwise the two countries do not always share the same worldview or the same opinions or the same national interest. The inherent contradictions in the relationship make a “hearts and minds” winning strategy a non-starter at this juncture.

Pakistanis will continue to view the US as a two-faced ally using and discarding Pakistan as a tactical military tool while strengthening a long term strategic economic, defence and nuclear partnership with India. The US burdened by the cost of fighting two wars in a deep recession would be hard pressed to open another front unless a serious terrorist attack can be traced back to sponsors in Pakistan.

What is drowned out in the negative media sound bites is that neither side can afford an acrimonious divorce while there is an absolute need to cooperate on issues like terrorism, Afghanistan and nuclear proliferation. The complex Pak-US relationship must endure in the dangerous environment existing in the region and beyond despite its intrinsic conflict and in the present deep schism. Hopefully, Pakistan and the US will see the sense in looking beyond a purely short-term military alliance towards developing and sustaining a long-term democratic partnership.

A sobering reality for Pakistan is that replacing its long serving “paymaster” the US with “all weather friend” China will not happen overnight. The enraptured Pakistani media describes China as a relentless economic juggernaut while the US is derided as an almost bankrupt economic basket case. From what we know of the great Chinese success story built on no-nonsense hard work and sacrifice, Pakistanis should not be under any illusion that China will be an over indulgent “sugar daddy” easily taken for a ride like the often naïve Americans.

Equally, American policy makers could tone down their public criticism of Pakistan and leave the delivery of “tough love” messages to State Department professionals in their private meetings with their Pakistani counterparts. The US must understand that Pakistanis are very sensitive to criticism having suffered hundreds of deadly attacks and thousands of civilian and military casualties in the fight against terrorism in the last decade. The criticism of Pakistan is especially harmful to the bilateral relationship as many Pakistanis believe that their weak and ineffectual leadership is slavishly fighting the “war on terror” on the US’s behalf.

As a start, instead of public criticism and bluster, General Kayani and the new US chief military officer General Dempsey who were apparently batch mates at Fort Leavenworth, could organize a golf game and rediscover their affection over a cold one. The two omniscient khakis may convey to their civilian “masters” that Pakistan and the US have more in common than just the unclad Veena Malik and Lindsay Lohan!