When a 64 year old woman is telling you a sick joke, the funniest thing is her age. Unfortunately due to the lack of sources my documentary will have to just be on paper for the time being. If maryam knew about it she would have said, ‘stop leaving things incomplete’. Which is a valid thing to say but I have a list of things to do before I die and I get obsessed with things too, so I guess when time comes I will complete everything. It is just recently that it has dawned upon me that since that I have such good fraands with whom I have such beautiful ‘fraandships’, I should appreciate them by writing for them/about them. This is something I usually do- it’s in the rules of being friends with me that I don’t accept the card company birthday cards just give a page from your note book which says:
(1)something about my relationship with you
(2) the quotable quotes of our times together
(3) Challenges

For me this tradition is something similar to ‘Ghalib k khatoot’ or atleast my effort of keeping the culture of letter writing alive. Today, I will start with Maha Malik. (My Buttering technique #1)

Maha is one of my oldest friends. I have known her since grade 4 I guess or maybe from before that. She used to be a saint- the kind of friend your mum really likes. The kind of friend that keeps your conscience alive. First time she came to my place, she got me chocolates. aw

Maha: ‘balatkar’ kitna payar word hai na. Itni buri cheez ka itna pyara word.
Me: kisi din hogaya na tab itna pyara nai lagey ga.
Maha; if somebody tries to rape me I’ll just say to him “bhai, mujhe tuo AIDS hai, mera kaam tha warn kerna ab ap shouk se kerlein”.

Maha; aaleen meri belt toot gai hai aur patloon lose hai bari.
Me; koi nai. nala daal lo.
Maha; leen, I am going to staple my pent.

Our cheesy sariyaan:
Maha:Doctor ki appointment k leay late ho gai hun. Ab wo checkup nai ker ra, kia kero?
Me: say this in the doctor’s ear ‘ meri akiaan da kajla tenu ki paya kendda?’

Maha: meray dil ich peeer hondi aye.
Me: haey, meray dil ich v hondi aye. Aik husn ki devi se mujhe payar hoa tha.
Maha: husn k devay!
Me: what is a devay?
Maha: a thing which looks like a bakra.

Me: where do you live in sheffield?
Maha; mein jahan rehti hun, udhar jao te inj lagda aye jiwein pind ich aagaey hein.

Maha: sohneyo narazgi te nai?

The tests oour friendship stood
In sixth grade, a woman said something nasty about me to maha’s mother. It took her some years to confront me.
Maha: aunty maama ko kehti thein , ‘aaleen meri beyti ko kharab ker rai hai. Apki beyti ko b ker dey gi. Inki dosti khatam karaein’.
Me; ‘han onki beyti itni Virgin Mary hai aur mein itni bari Lucus’.
Maha: hahaha, you mean “Lucifer”.
Me: jo b , apni beyti hath se nikal gai hai aur denial mein shareef lerkion ki izzat paleed kerti hain aunty. Ab tu sab ko pata chal gaya na kiska character dheela hai.

I had a fight with somebody who is friends with maha.
Maha; leen don’t worry I’ll make him say sorry.
Me: meine os k sorry ka kia kerna hai. Dafa ker.
And a few days later I got an apology message from that person.