There was a day when love meant an open heart, eying and wooing the hearts wild then forgetting all about the flirtatious moments for the joy of moving on and experiencing youth. Then came a time to experience something people state as love no matter if it does not dwell in the heart like that. And then the discovery dawned that there is no such thing as love just infatuations, expectations and vested interests, tall claims, lies and judgements leaving one disillusioned, bereaved and wrecked and incapable of trusting anyone in the name of love. once out of these emotions one still delves in search of something to tame the ravenous longing building deep inside, starved and famished. and i had met self love… could not survive for long for the frivolity of its nature. A person feeding on self love is as lonely as the one who loves a remote, cold beloved.

Had to find an object of love, even worse cast one if there is none. Finally I manged to find one. The One that is bound to be found when all other idols have been broken and illusions shed. It is amazing that He does not ask for a perfect love.. a mean, weak and polluted love is acceptable to Him. He doesn’t want false  or true promises and woos on the part of the lover nor the gifts. neither do the lover is seeking for a morning kiss every time the sun rises on her face, nor is she seeking the epitomized love slogan I-love-you. all the time. This much suffices for her as an assurance from the Beloved that each time she loses faith she can rekindle the spark of love in the dark of hopelessness and be content that she is still able to love Him back because He loves her alright.

On shores of longing strikes a lonesome tide

Proud in its forgetfulness

And nothingness finds a destiny there

To help a wayfarer’s dream

And journeys seek a destination in the palms of homesickness

Clad in the silver robe of tears

Hidden in soreness of jaded soul

Amidst the shadows of callous times

caged in a rotten clock

Dancing in never ending whirlpool of eternity

Hovered upon by the dust of failures

 clinched in sighs of regrets

In the nimbus of smiles of angels

In the halo of passions of men

A macrocosm disintegrates..

And then there is me…

hollow embrace and a hollow hope

something that my soul did grope

after that it had lost all bliss

reminiscing the fading morning kiss..

and a hand thus stoned as it clinched your touch

and a heart going cold having housed pain much

in the shallow sunlight who can find a sultry shadow

and shelter a bemused heart in a maze of inane credo 

a heart that seeks fire, a heart that never rests

a heart that loathes to die, failing its own death

a shuddering wish lurks in the crater of despair

the flame of love was kindled to light the heart’s lair

it will keep on tearing the veils until it finds you there..

What have I known this phenomenon called life to be like… I keep thinking but cant say for sure. We breathe, we desire, we aspire, we fall and we rise, finally we know its time to bid farewell. We think and think… did we live a life, or did we live an illusion? Questions upon questions upon more of them and we know how to satiate the demons of dissatisfaction by falsified scores of our shallow achievements. Inwardly we know we could not realize many a dreams and the ones we did were no longer sating enough to keep boasting about for long, mundane aspirations for mundane lives. And then we leave heaving sighs about what we would have done more if we were granted a chance and not been denied our rights to be avid seekers of riches and fame.

And then there would be some for whom life never made any sense. A day lived in, a day lived out… a nexus of breathing in and breathing out tied with a structure of clay. A clay which is dirt sometimes or fire at others, which crumbles into fragments of light only to be sucked in the void of darkness without a trace, and sometimes it is nothingness extended within and without to all that there is or is not. It defies time and it denies confines imposed by space and it melts and seeps in every bit of consiousness collective or individual, to kiss new life or to embrace perfect annihilation.